“Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.”
“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
“Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.”
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
“A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.”
“Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah… didn’t miss the boat.”
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
“Better a broken promise than none at all.”
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.”
“The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”
“As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.”
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
“Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.”
“I’ve never let my school interfere with my education.”
“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
“Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.”
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
“Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.”
“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.”
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”
“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.”
“Never put off till to-morrow what you can do day after to-morrow just as well.”
“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
